The Bottomless Vessel

Text: Exodus 3:1-8a

I’ve been thinking about how to address the elephant in the room: addiction. It’s a sensitive issue. As soon as we hear the word, we may feel heaviness or discomfort in our hearts or bodies. We all know those who have suffered from addiction or their family members who have been impacted by it. Or we may be survivors of addiction or on the way to recovery ourselves. We all have stories when it comes to addiction, though few of us would be willing to share those stories, least of all in a time of worship. Most of us would rather stay away from anything that reminds us of the pain in our lives, because we have had enough of it already. I don’t know about you, but I find myself getting tired of superficial worship. I believe that truths must be spoken in our worship – even if they bring discomfort or danger; sharing truths about who we are, our lives, our community and the world, is how meaningful change begins. I want to assure you that I am coming from a place of compassion and understanding. I am not here to judge or blame anybody. I am here to provide a space where we can bring our authentic selves with all of our longings and brokenness. Having said that, if this topic is too much for you to handle, please do what you can to take care of yourself now. You may want to take a sip of water, a few deep breaths, or a moment to notice what you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel. The COVID-19 pandemic has had more people across Canada to use substances as a way to cope. However, long before the pandemic hit the British Columbia, the province declared a health emergency as overdose deaths began to spike. I was struck by the emotional speech given by B.C. Provincial Health Officer, Dr. Bonnie Henry, when the number of illicit drug toxicity deaths exceeded the number of people in B.C. who died of COVID-19; Dr. Henry wanted everyone’s attention focused on the real threat to the province: the opioid crisis. Now more people in B.C. are dying of illicit drug overdoses than due to homicides, motor vehicle incidents, suicides, and COVID-19 combined. It’s not just one province’s problem, it’s a national crisis. Here in Winnipeg, the loss has been felt in my United Church colleague’s church over the last few months. Three people in their thirties, who were related to members of her small congregation, have died; each of their deaths were related to opioid overdose. If this epidemic isn’t a wake-up call that requires our immediate action, I don’t know what else can be. Dr. Gabor Maté is an addiction specialist who works with hundreds of patients in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. He defines addiction as: “any behaviour that a person craves, finds temporary relief or pleasure in but suffers negative consequences as a result of, and yet has difficulty giving up.” 1 Dr. Maté’s definition and approach can help us broaden our understanding of the many types of addiction; we can be addicted to shopping, the Internet, food, sex, money, or power. We all have different experiences and these play a part in how we cope with 1 https://drgabormate.com/opioids-universal-experience-addiction/ challenges, stress, and pain. For example, if someone has lived through childhood trauma and neglect, and had their language, culture, and land taken away, it would affect their resiliency; all of these factors can increase the likelihood of a person to use substances, and they are just some of the things that are affecting Indigenous people in Canada. Finding ways to compassionately approach matters of substance use and addiction, and to know each other on a deeper level, can help us become a stronger community and country. The more I learn about how addiction works, the better I understand those around me. Growing up, there were things I couldn’t understand about my family. I have lived with many “whys” because of things that happened to me when I was young and vulnerable, but the holistic and compassionate approach to addiction is helping me put the puzzle together. Every member in my family was dealing with their own sense of emptiness. It was too great to bear, so each of us had to find a way to cope with our own pain. When we as individuals, families, or communities avoid dealing with our pain, we end up trying things that only soothe it temporarily. Like pouring water into a bottomless vessel, it feels at first as though we are filling the void, but soon we realize the vessel remains empty. The good news is that our pain and suffering, though oftentimes too great to bear, can connect us to others on a deep level. We don’t know what other people are going through, or have been through, but understanding our own emptiness can bridge the gap between ourselves and others. And no matter how far we try to run away from our pain, God can find us wherever we are; though the temptation to avoid our pain is strong, God’s longing to connect with us is stronger. God’s presence is a place where we can bring our authentic selves, a place we can be fully human, with all our longings and brokenness. In Exodus, Moses is trying to fill a bottomless vessel of his own by looking for answers he thinks he needs in order to resolve his feelings of emptiness, when God appears and says to him: “I have observed the misery of my people” and “I have heard their cry.” God calls Moses to lead the oppressed to freedom, but Moses asks God: “who am I that I should do the job?” God responds: “I will be with you”. Moses asks God a second question: “who are you?” and God answers: “I am who I am” or “I will be who I will be”. But it’s no coincidence that God chooses someone for the job who knows the pain of loneliness; born as a Hebrew but raised in the palace of Egypt, Moses has wrestled with his identity his entire life. No one seems able to answer his burning questions: “Who am I?” “Why am I here?” “Where is my community?” Moses is searching for answers, but what will really fill the void he feels is to experience the presence of God; he only has to recognize and celebrate God’s presence in order to experience it. The same is true for us; all we have to do is recognize and celebrate God’s presence. It is here that “we can be fully known, and seen, and that our life is treasured beyond every frontier of despair we have crossed.” 2