Prickly!
Text: Genesis 45:1-15
It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves, but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.
After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So, they had to make a choice: accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.
Wisely, they decided to get back together and work it out. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by their close relationship in order to stay warm and survive.
This story, known as the parable of the prickly porcupine, came to me last week when I was searching for understanding our current situation.
We continue to navigate uncharted territory. None of us has a clear vision as to where we are heading. So, if you feel like you are getting stuck or getting lost, know that you are not alone. We continue to learn to be a loving and caring community in a world of uncertainty. The good news is that none of us has to figure this out alone. So, please don’t overburden yourself as if you haven’t done enough. Now is not the time to be productive with an endless to-do-list. Now is the time to learn to be gentle with ourselves. And by doing so, we can be kind with one another.
We can give ourselves permission to slow things down. We need to take enough time to process what we have been through over the last 18 months. There is no need to hide our feelings. Yes, we can lament for all the things we have been missing. Yes, we can laugh out loud for no reason. If you have ever attended a funeral or memorial service, you probably heard someone saying as a life motto of the deceased, “Do not take life too seriously.” Turns out, it was a quote by Elbert Hubbard, American writer, and philosopher, who also added the following line: “You will never get out of it alive.”
During my own time of loneliness and depression, none of the stories in the Bible made sense to me except Ecclesiastes where it says, “vanity of vanities, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.” I thought, finally someone must have gone through what I’m going through. I felt heard and understood. But the same book contains what seems to be a contradictory message. “There is nothing better for them than to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live; moreover, it is God’s gift that all should eat and drink and take pleasure in all their toil.”
At first, I didn’t get it. How could they coexist – feeling empty and yet enjoying a life at the same time? But throughout the book, the writer of Ecclesiastes speaks of such an irony as if it’s the most natural thing about life. How does that sound to you? Is it possible for you to live your life to the fullest even when you feel vulnerable?
I think so. Those of us who have ever been to the lowest part of the deep dark hole of depression know well that there is no easy solution. In fact, any attempt to fix the problem quickly or temporarily often leads to more pain. Whatever we resist persists. It is only when we accept what’s in front of us that we can begin to learn to live with it. Can we find joy along the way? Absolutely. Joy comes not despite of suffering but because of it. It is more true to say that joy finds us where we are. It is born from within with integration and acceptance.
No one in the Bible shows us how to embrace the opposite ends of the spectrum better than Joseph. He was literally thrown into the bottom of the empty pit by his own brothers. They eventually sold Joseph to the Ishmaelites for twenty pieces of silver. Then, they sold him again in Egypt to Potiphar, one of Pharaoh’s officials. There Joseph was abused by Potiphar’s wife and went into prison. Joseph’s life was constantly disrupted by those who had power over him. Joseph finally met his brothers again for the first time in 22 years. But now the situation was reversed. It was Joseph who had power over his brothers. The story we heard today is about how Joseph deals with his own power in a way that it could transform everyone’s life.
I want us to focus on the emotions in the story. Joseph cries a lot. First, he can’t control himself before everyone in the room. He cries out, weeps so loudly, and he falls upon his brother Benjamin’s neck and weeps. And then he kisses all his brothers and weeps again upon them. The room becomes a sea of tears. Joseph, who has all the power that his brothers don’t have, uses it to show his vulnerability. Joseph assures his brothers not to be distressed or angry with themselves; for God sent him before his brothers to preserve life. This remarkable understanding can teach us about the role of our response in dealing with unexpected events. Whatever happens in life is one thing, and how we interpret it is totally a different thing. Joseph chooses his own meaning and purpose that are life-giving to himself and others. What’s even more powerful is how much he is open to express his own needs. Those tears in the room speak louder than any words. It’s a way of saying that I have missed you so much. There is nothing more important for me than to see you and to be with you. Notice, it is only after Joseph expresses his needs that his brothers begin to talk with him. Hearing such needs make them feel safe for deep inside the brothers also share the same needs.
So, back to the parable of the prickly porcupine. The reason the porcupines can survive the harsh winter is because they really listen to their unmet needs. They need each other’s presence to stay warm despite the fact that they will continue to get injured by quills of the closest companions. They choose relationship over comfort. They stay as a community – wounded yet healed.